image and placemat: genaperduehandmade

Two and a half weeks ago, I walked into an FA meeting. FA is Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. I walked in because I wanted change. I walked in because I had known about the program a few years through a friend who was going through changes. I walked in because I was ready to change how I was living. I walked in because I knew that FA was not a diet or temporary change in foods. I walked in because I want to be healthier and yes, thinner. And perhaps, dare I say it: less miserable.

What I didn’t expect when I began was to walk into a room of thin, happy people. What I didn’t expect was to see anyone I knew. What I didn’t expect was to feel light and airy and have that blissful wind in my sails for a whole week. At the  second, third and fourth meetings I attended I saw even more familiar faces, some which I am intimate with. I was both surprised and relieved to know I was not the only one struggling with this particular which is so important in life.

When I found a sponsor and we created a food plan for me, I was amazed at how similar I had already been eating. The only difference is that now I eat three consistent meals a day at regular intervals and eliminate all flours and sugars. Ounce for ounce, all of my food is weighed. When I know I am going to be away from home during meals, I bring my food with me. This may sound complicated, but I have been amazed at the peace and tranquility that living this way has brought into my life.

It’s about honesty. What I didn’t know about honesty is that honesty isn’t a selective behaviour. When I decided to become honest about food, everything in my life was up on the chopping block. Speaking up for myself and being brave, loud and proud of who I am and what I want from life is new. Am I sad to say goodbye to cocktails? Not really.

The next step is the hardest. Telling my extended family I am changing and letting them know that even though I am changing, I don’t expect them to change and I don’t want them to pity me because I don’t eat whatever it is I’m not eating. I don’t need my friends or family to behave differently around me. And because I’m not doing or eating something doesn’t mean that I’m judging someone who does. I’ve never felt braver and happier and life is becoming more fun and free by the day.

In my bowl above is 8oz. of nonfat Fage yogurt, 6 oz. mixed organic berries, and 1 oz. uncooked organic steelcut oatmeal. This is very similar to the way I would [sometimes] eat when I was doing triathlon. In twenty pounds I expect to be running comfortably again. In September I’ll be going on a Recovery Retreat that I was recently invited to, with amazing friends, amazing food, ziplines, and in one of the beautiful places in the world.

The upshot of all this: Currently: I have more confidence. I have more time. At 43 I feel happier and more balanced than ever before. I love my life. I am incredibly grateful.